Rainy days

Today has been a crummy day, and the weather matched!

This morning we headed out on a walk with Sasha and Mojie, with Mojo in the Ruffwear Webmaster harness. He was uneasy with this at first because of the dangling straps at the side, but then I realised there were loops where you could hook them and he was fine afterwards.

He looked adorable in it!

Unfortunately the weather was so grim he had to get taken back early, but we had a decent walk with Sasha.

We had to break through a wall of cows

Sasha was really good walking past a large number of cows in close proximity though.

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I had a bad episode of rage today. It prompted my partner to look into ‘seizure rage’, and he discovered that that’s not actually what I seem to have, but in fact it fits exactly to Episodic Dyscontrol Syndrome. This ties into seizures, and is where the person is powerless to uncontrollable rage. They tend to throw things and lash out violently, and afterwards (because it’s not who they are at all) the sufferer is often crippled with guilt. This is very much me!

EDS tends to be directed at one significant person, and the episodes are triggered by something that might be mildly annoying but the reaction seems to be way OTT. Seizure rage is anger at a much lesser extent, and isn’t usually directed at anyone in particular.

Sasha was amazing during the episode today BTW. It was truly exceptional.

When I was laying down yelling at my partner, she came and nose booped me, then lay next to me staring at me. When I stood up and was lashing out, Sasha jumped up at me to ask for attention / play, then did an auto block (standing in front of me) – this is hugely helpful, it gets my focus off my partner and I’m able to focus on giving Sasha love.

When I turned on my partner again, Sasha left the block to jump at me, before again moving into a block. It was honestly AMAZING.

After the episode was over I was exhausted. That’s when my partner did some research into seizure rage, and we discovered EDS.

We did some training – enjoy Mojo’s cute but fairly pointless trick!

Spud came out and wrestled. Everyone enjoyed puzzle feeders. We played some more.

This evening I tried Spud’s old coat on Mojo (she was wearing this right up until her accident at 5 months) and it fits him! At 14 weeks I’m not sure how much longer he’ll be wearing it, but we’ll see.

This is the only harness he wears totally happily on lead out on walks. The EzyDog, step in and his collar all result in frequent stops and mad itching, and the Ruffwear to a lesser extent. This bomber jacket also meant that he was happier out in the wind and the rain πŸ™‚

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Plus, as ever, it was cuteness overload πŸ˜‰

Once we got back there was time for a little more puppy play / madness / cuteness…

And then it was time for everyone to sleep.

Boo: happiness in dog form

Wow, how hot have these days been?!

28*C today, and I know I bitch about our house every summer, but the entire row of houses we are a part of are all phenomenally warm. This means barely having to use your heating in winter, but barely being able to cope in summer.

Today we, along with all the other houses, had our double rear doors and our living room window open, and it barely made any difference. We stripped down and misted ourselves with water, because it really is that unbearably warm.

And, of course, you can’t even escape on dog walks, because it’s too hot outdoors for the pups!!

At 8pm it was finally cool enough to manage a fairly short walk that takes you past a pond (for swimming and drinking) and a trough that Boo can drink from too. So me and my Doodle-dog headed out.

It’s always risky letting me walk him alone, because he is NOT the sort of dog I can manage if I’m at all seizey, but today had been a good day, I was feeling solid, and I had the lead hands free around my shoulders. As safe as possible.

And the walk was fab!

Check out all these Kasper smiles, we had a blast!!

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Had a “yay training pays off!” moment on this walk too.

We were down at the watering hole, and we turned to leave, Boo sprinting ahead, and there was an old guy hiking that must have snuck up on us. Old men were Boo’s biggest fears back in the day.

Well, Boo saw this guy and before I could even react, automatically turned and ran to sit at my feet. Hell. Yes. Good boy Boo!!

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And two of his favourite activities. Mad rolling.

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Scratching the crust off cow poo to get to the warm gooey centre HAHAHA

A day of tears

Yesterday was…fun -_-

It was the hardest day of this year so far, easy. Shitty things have been happening anyway and my mh has taken a dive this past week, but more than that was seeing Tolly walk for the first time.

I hadn’t seen her walk since before the accident, and all I’d been told was she was doing ‘great’. I saw her walk inside yesterday and her foot just looks AWFUL.

It’s twisted facing completely the wrong direction, the leg’s at a weird angle…it’s just heartbreaking and I immediately burst into tears. I was crying pretty much non-stop for the rest of the day, I’m talking huge floods of tears and just feeling hopeless.

I literally can’t be around Toller when she’s walking, I get hugely upset and then she gets upset. I need a few days to recover justΒ being with her, because when I see her atm it makes me teary because I remember her foot and think of how she was before and I just cry and cry and cry.

The guilt is tearing me up and then I feel like shit because when I start getting sad she just looks so confused, poor little love.

I have a lovely little ‘feel like shit’ list atm.

  • Toller’s foot
  • Overwhelming guilt for my bf (this started due to the things I say when I’m seizurey, but spred to pretty much everything – it’s at the point now where when we’re cuddling and happy together, I get tearful, guilty and sad)
  • Feeling like / stressing that I don’t want to be with my bf and our relationship has run it’s course (due to overwhelming guilt and seizure rage)
  • Seizures and everything they bring; stress, tiredness, feeling physically illΒ etc
  • HUGE health fears that reduce me to tearsΒ on a daily basis
  • Depressive episode (thus making above points feel even worse) – thanks for choosing now to raise your ugly head, bipolar

This week has been rough in general, but yesterday took the cake.

-sigh- Oh well, here are some photos of little Puddy one enjoying seconds of her dinner yesterday.

Tolly update, crate rest is over!

Keeping it short because I’ve been horribly ill from the moment I got up today.

Toller finally had her vet appt this afternoon and we got the best news ever, crate rest is over!

The vet said that Toller has recovered faster than any of them could have anticipated, and even from her vet appt a few weeks ago Toller has made more progress than expected. The vet said that Toller can now be put on the ground in the house for several minute bursts, then held for a while, and put down again.

Obviously she’s not to run madly or jump on and off furniture, but this will be huge for her πŸ™‚

It goes without saying we are very happy. Can’t wait until I’m well enough to play and interact with her on the floor.

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Oh and here is a cute video from yesterday, I think…we discovered she loves the spray bottle!!

Sasha walks so far her legs shrink

No, not really. They’re still as ridiculously long as ever XD

But we did do a massive hike!

We walked along the canal, and wow I forgot how busy a sunny weekend made EVERYWHERE. There are a ton of fair weather dog walkers in this area, we can walk year-round every day at all times and go weeks without seeing someone if the weather isn’t good; as soon as the sun comes out you can’t move for other dog walkers, regardless of what day it is!

Despite it being super busy, Sasha did awesome! She greeted a few other dogs (including a tiny extremely excited furball of a puppy that I wanted to pick up and carry home with me!!) and when two separate groups of walkers stopped to chat, standing on opposite sides of the canal path and leaving us with less than 1ft gap to walk between them, she did so with no anxiety at all πŸ™‚

 

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Finally we leave the canal and begin following the lane that will let us join the farmer’s fields, which are always dead.

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Sasha’s round a slight bend just enjoying herself, I can see her happily bouncing but not what she’s really looking at, and I call her to me to pop her on lead, as sometimes the field we’re going through has livestock in. She comes instantly, I clip her lead on, and when we continue I see that she’d been looking at sheep about 2ft away behind a metal gate!

So that was very cute! And also a really impressive recall πŸ˜‰

We passed through the first field and then Sasha got to go off lead and stretch her legs again. Field zoomies, yay!

Looking around us at the surrounding fields we couldn’t believe there were even several other dog walkers here!! We drifted from the path in search of wood for our vivariums, which Sasha was obviously very helpful with XD

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We had a quick rest, enjoyed some drinks, and lay just soaking up the sun for about 15 minutes.

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You have no idea how much I love this photo!!

When we were all feeling rejuvinated we collected our sticks and carried on. The views in these fields are amazing, and with a blue sky above them it’s incredible. We decided to walk a little ways extra (if we followed our usual route we’d be on the canal and back in town within 15 minutes, and we wanted to see more of the countryside).

Getting Sasha to sit for this photo was like trying to get blood from a stone. Damn teenager, every time I asked her to sit she would just stand and grin at me XD

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We finally turned to come back and rejoin the actual route. We’ve walked a few minutes down the path, and all of sudden there’s a gate?! We’ve been doing this walk for years, this has never been here. Ahead of that there’s an even more serious looking metal fence, with huge chains holding it shut.

There’s no other route off this path, we would have to go alllll the way back (adding 40+ minutes onto our journey), so I hop over the wooden fence to go read the signs on the next fence, to see what’s going on.

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Oh. Nice. Back we go then XD

We repeat the entire loop and, even though I was worried about Sasha getting too tired to make it, make it she did. She was lagging for the last twenty minutes, but we got there!

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About ten minutes from home she did a big seizure alert, and sure enough less than five minutes later I had a huge seizure, that left me feeling very out of it. It was annoying being so close to home, but I knew I had to sit and recuperate.

The last 10 minutes took 20, but we got back safe and sound and had a lovely walk overall πŸ™‚

Third good day in a row: day trip!

Well guys, I never thought I’d say this, but we have had THREE good days in a row πŸ˜€

I’ve had more seizures today, but they haven’t hit me as heavily…seizure rage has been short lived and contained, and I’ve recovered from seizures quickly. I think this is due to us increasing the dose of CBD, which is exciting as I really thought it wasn’t working at all. We ordered some new CBD oil today too which is 2% higher so can’t wait for that to arrive!

Anyway, to celebrate so many days where I’m able to function, today we had a day trip!!

(waiting for the bus)

We bussed itΒ for 40 minutes to a river, hopped off, paddled, picknicked, hiked, then made the return journey home. This was the first time I’ve left near-to home in many months, and was Sasha’s longest bus journey to date…smashing all records!!

Sasha was absolutely incredible on the bus! Last time we rode a bus with her we carried her on and off (see I said it was a long time ago!), this time I wanted to see if she’d get on herself even after not experiencing a bus in so long – SHE DID!!!!

Not only that but she walked up the aisle of the bus, with strangers sitting just a few cm from her, and didn’t try sniff or interact with them at all πŸ™‚

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She was an angel on the bus, and because nobody acted stoopid and tried to interact with her, she was SO confident in her surroundings πŸ™‚

We hopped off the bus and mozied to the river, then realised our first mistake –Β shimmering sunlight on moving water triggers my seizures.

Oooops!!!

Because we haven’t gotten out much, we are still not used to these adjustments that need to be remembered.

This was the biggest iffy moment, as because of the ripples I had a seizure and we dealt with some seizure rage.

BUT we did bounce back very quickly, went for a lovely walk and enjoyed the views. We then discovered that sitting on the opposite side meant the water was a lot less triggering as the light wasn’t hitting it the same, and we were able to chill out nearby…I just had to avoid staring XD

Omb guys Sasha LOVED this walk!!! She was overjoyed to be somewhere new; bouncing about, sniffing, charging madly at us…it was *awesome*!

Impulse control as a jogger ran past

Oh but so beautiful

This was the ‘bad side’ with the shimmery ripples!

My partner nipped to a tourist castley thing across the road and bought us some awesome picnic foods to share πŸ˜€

After we’d eaten we went for a walk through the beautiful woodland / fields, with Sashie on lead as required!

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And guess what?

We saw a herd of deer!!! They were tucked out the way so none of the other walkers we spotted saw them, but there they were, easily over 50! Such beautiful animals and the antlers on some were fantastic!

I wish’d I’d taken my camera so I coulda maybe got some decent photos, but it was so incredible! Can you spot them behind us?

We walked on and just had the nicest time. Even when there was so many things to sniff and explore (and so much poo to eat πŸ˜‰ ) Sasha still alerted to a seizure and wouldn’t leave my side until I was okay ❀

Again Sasha climbed aboard the bus and was so chilled all the way back…look at the cuuuteness!!

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So there you go, our celebration of a third good day πŸ™‚

Happy easter

and what not πŸ™‚

I don’t remember what I last posted, so I thought I’d share some beautiful photos from a walk with Kasper the other day.

This walk was actually a HUGE flop.

We had an hour-long hike planned, with Sasha being left at home, but from five minutes after we headed out I had awful ‘seizure rage’. With seizure rage I feel uncontrollably angry even though I have no reason to be, it’s just an emotion that proceeds certain types of seizures I have. But I will be extremely vicious and verbally abusive, and inside I’m hating myself for it and tearful because I don’t want to say these things and I don’t understand the anger.

So 40 minutes of the walk was wasted, 30 with me being angry, then 10 with me having seizures. Thankfully I recovered pretty fast so we were able to enjoy some time walking off lead and having fun πŸ™‚

I took my good camera (wrong walk to take that out on haha!) and managed to get some lovely photos.

This dude is SO MUCH FUN to train, and I love photo shoots with him because he really gets what I want him to do. Plus his impulse control is awesome so stays are no prob πŸ™‚

First thing he did was leap into the river haha, so then of course he had to do his special, incredibly vocal rolling XD

AAAGH THIS PHOTO πŸ˜€

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Also adore this photo. And this dog ^_^

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I was supposed to be getting him a beautiful custom lead for his birthday next month, but I’m kinda leaning towards the idea of getting him a collar in the pattern instead. His EzyDog collar has always been huge and only worn for aesthetics, and I do love buying collars for him πŸ™‚

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Spring sure has sprung!

My Spudder puppy.

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I wish I could feel more comfortable interacting with her. Atm I’m just so scared she will flail too much in excitement and re-injure her leg, or that I’ll drop her if holding her etc. The fact that her foot is so obviously wonky doesn’t help, as it’s all I see when I look at her 😦

And finally, me and my partner discovered a hobby we had never heard of and wanted to try: needle felting!!

Here are our creations so far. My partner made the brilliant yelling face, and I made the other two πŸ™‚

The process:

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Happy Easter / Sunday everyone πŸ™‚