Picking ourselves back up!

Admittedly we’ve had an AWFUL week (two weeks?) so yes, I broke when we found out Toller’s leg wasn’t as healed as we had hoped for.

BUT, I’m picking myself back up, my partner has been wodnerfully supportive, we have a plan and I think we can make it work 🙂

Things are improving. I’m tired and in physical pain, and mentally still a little fragile, but I haven’t cried today…which is a huge frickin’ achievement hahaha!!

So yes. We’re waiting on the basic £70 wheelchair to arrive (2-5th May) and I’m honestly so excited! Some of the reviews said the chest straps dug into their dog, so we will be padding those, and that it’s very cheaply made and won’t last long…but we’re aware of that. It’s hopefully just a temporary measure whilst we save and raise money for a custom chair, which we could get months down the line 🙂

Her fund jar!!

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Please check out her go fund me here!

We spoke with the head nurse of another surgery today, who agreed a wheelchair was a good way to go and that amputation should have been offered from the start. She was really lovely and reassuring, and we chatted to her for a good 20 minutes ^_^

Anywho. Pics of everyone 🙂

Kasper played PROPERLY with Sasha for the first time yesterday. As in fluid movements, play bows and chase. It was lovely!

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Puppy dog eyes!

Unfortunately in less than two minutes he’d gotten overly excited, which resulted in over-aggressive play and attempted humping. Immediate time out for Boo with a frozen apple puzzle feeder!

This apple was stuffed with peanut butter, wet dog food, and coconut oil 🙂

Speaking of frozen treats, ice cube treats are SO EASY to do!! And our three go barmy for them, I actually don’t know who loves them more…and they’re a perfect crate treat for Toller too! They come highly recommended from our pups and are so easy to make.

There are three varieties here: coconut oil, salmon oil and peanut butter, & salmon oil and wet dog food.

Sasha walk

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Tired pupper 🙂 You can see a little of my dog gear wall behind her too haha!

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Spudder playing with loo roll 🙂

Happy-ish days!

Tolly’s getting a wheelchair

So I’ve been crying non-stop these past few days. I’m hugely pissed at the vets, my heart is broken for Toller, and I knew that after the costs of her treatment thus far, we couldn’t afford £1500-2500 to amputate her leg.

So it was time to think up an alternative to improve her life.

And we discovered doggy wheelchairs!

For now we have ordered an extremely basic, standard (eg. not custom fit) front-wheeled cart that cost £70, and looks like this:

We’ll be trying that out whilst we wait to sort something for a custom cart. It’s due to arrive early next month.

Custom wheelchairs are incredibly expensive. We’re looking at £300-400 once we factor in custom builds and postage, especially as the one I keep getting directed to is based in America! If anyone wants to share or donate to Toller’s Go Fund Me, please do 🙂

Help get Tolly walking and wheeling

Why a wheelchair?

So basically where the vet has left us now, according to them, Tolly is fully healed. They don’t even want to see her again unless “we’re concerned”…uh yeah, after seeing her walk yesterday I’m fucking concerned!!!!!

What happened to her making a full recovery and the injury not even being visible?! What happened to her being able to go on walks like a normal dog?? Now you’re saying that’s not going to happen?!

At this point Spud has endured eight weeks of crate rest, and guys that is just bullshit 😦

She’s a completely different dog to before the accident; she’s miserable, she gets enjoyment from so little, and she’s anxious. It’s BULLSHIT. I’m so annoyed because I wanted to amputate that leg, but the vets persuaded me not to, they said it’d be fine…and it’s not.

With a wheelchair, she will be able to BE A DOG. She can run and explore immediately, no rehab, no worries about making her leg worse…the misery of crate rest will be over, and it’ll be SUCH an improvement on the vets proposed life of carrying and such limited walking.

I know she could have been happy as a tripawd, but with a wheelchair she can be a dog RIGHT NOW. No more rest, no more procedures. So that’s the way we’re going.

I’m exhausted and so stressed by all this, but I feel like we might have found a way to make my baby girl happy. Fingers crossed…

A day of tears

Yesterday was…fun -_-

It was the hardest day of this year so far, easy. Shitty things have been happening anyway and my mh has taken a dive this past week, but more than that was seeing Tolly walk for the first time.

I hadn’t seen her walk since before the accident, and all I’d been told was she was doing ‘great’. I saw her walk inside yesterday and her foot just looks AWFUL.

It’s twisted facing completely the wrong direction, the leg’s at a weird angle…it’s just heartbreaking and I immediately burst into tears. I was crying pretty much non-stop for the rest of the day, I’m talking huge floods of tears and just feeling hopeless.

I literally can’t be around Toller when she’s walking, I get hugely upset and then she gets upset. I need a few days to recover just being with her, because when I see her atm it makes me teary because I remember her foot and think of how she was before and I just cry and cry and cry.

The guilt is tearing me up and then I feel like shit because when I start getting sad she just looks so confused, poor little love.

I have a lovely little ‘feel like shit’ list atm.

  • Toller’s foot
  • Overwhelming guilt for my bf (this started due to the things I say when I’m seizurey, but spred to pretty much everything – it’s at the point now where when we’re cuddling and happy together, I get tearful, guilty and sad)
  • Feeling like / stressing that I don’t want to be with my bf and our relationship has run it’s course (due to overwhelming guilt and seizure rage)
  • Seizures and everything they bring; stress, tiredness, feeling physically ill etc
  • HUGE health fears that reduce me to tears on a daily basis
  • Depressive episode (thus making above points feel even worse) – thanks for choosing now to raise your ugly head, bipolar

This week has been rough in general, but yesterday took the cake.

-sigh- Oh well, here are some photos of little Puddy one enjoying seconds of her dinner yesterday.

A ‘feel better’ walk

Awful day.

Finally managed to get out with the girls early evening (Toller being carried by my partner of course). Despite it being a sunny day the walk was really enjoyable, and I only had one seizure. Sasha alerted perfectly, and we sat out the way to recover – easy!

Had a really nice time…also if this isn’t the cutest photo ever, I don’t know what is. I love my partner so much 🙂

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My girls and my love!

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We found a string of dead moles, which was grim. There are so many hunters in this area.

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Beautiful view

For anybody who hasn’t seen on IG, Toller’s vet appt was cancelled this week and pushed back until next Wednesday.

At this point I’m completely sick of our vets. From them constantly getting her name wrong and never finding her on the system (they have her registered as ‘Polly’, we’ve told them half a dozen times to change it…) to the disgraceful way they treated Toller and all the misinformation and lack of information at the time of her accident, I’m done.

Why am I paying these guys so much to look at her, when they’re getting everything wrong, don’t have a clue on her prognosis, and can’t even get her name right?! Hmmm…

Alert on cam & adorable photos

Sasha has done an alert on a walk every day for the last three days, and yesterday she did at least two! (too foggy to remember any more)

Her alerting out the house is super rare, normally we only get one outdoor alert a week or two, so she’s rocking it!! I wondered if it’s because my seizures are so damn bad that they’re more obvious to her, but some of her alerts have been bloody perfectly timed – one, she alerted, I sat down, and within 30 seconds I was having a seizure.

Yesterday we managed to catch her doing an alert on cam! We were trying to take photos, and she alerted, so my partner kept snapping!!

Step 1: nose nudge

I did teach her to paw as a seizure alert (as I wanted it to be more obvious when I was walking) but because she’s such a big oaf, and she pawed when I was sitting too, it was too damn dangerous and I got tired of her claws raking my face 😄

Step 2: Serious face until I acknowledge the alert

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Step 3: Praise and treats

Step 4: Get to somewhere safe and out the way, or if I’m stuck somewhere busy like town just drop to the floor and look weird!! Wait for seizure, then wait until better recovered after seizure.

Really cool to have photos of the process, I’m super proud of Sasha…what an awesome dog she is, and a great helper 🙂

Next – Toller walked in the house for the first time yesterday!! It was only about 10 steps before we picked her up, but what a landmark in her recovery!

Can you stand the cuteness? 🙂

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Here she is wearing Pixie’s jacket…Pix was so damn small, and yet the jacket still swamps Toller 😄

Big dope!

It’s his birthday next month so I’ve been searching for the perfect edible gifts for him and a new police style lead too (multiple D clips). I think I’ve found ‘the one’, can’t wait to share photos once it arrives 🙂

Oh god look at his expression ❤ ❤ ❤

I’ve been browsing amazing collars, harnesses and leads on etsy (because it’s one of the few tasks I can do without having to feel bad for not remembering it, eg. reading!!) and my partner felt so sorry for me with how crappy I’ve been doing he said I could buy a nice collar for Sasha 🙂

So in my more lucid moments I browsed hundreds and hundreds of collars, and chose an amazing one for Sasha! We chose a 2 inch wide one, so you’ll even be able to see it with all her Poodle fluff!!

And yesterday we had 1kg of beef chews arrive! These were £8 off ebay, and if we’d bought them from an online pet shop, it would have been £6 for 300g!!!

SO MUCH LIVER!!!

The dogs absolutely love it. It doesn’t last the bigger three too long, but they go crazy for it, AND you can snap it into smaller pieces as training rewards too!

*splutter laughs* Sasha’s face!!

All the dog walks!

Took Sasha on a HUGE hike yesterday, to a route she’d never been to before.

Then we took Kasper for a walk up through town, and today the girls had a massive hike in all sorts of places.

Toller is a completely changed dog to the one before crate rest, and it’s soul destroying…it honestly breaks my heart. I know she will cheer up a lot once crate rest is over, but she’ll never be the dog she once was / could have been…we missed too much when she was so young, and it’s nobody’s fault, it’s just really sad 😦

I’m trying so hard to do things that interest her or make her happy, and I’m just getting more and more depressed at seeing what a broken little dog she is *sigh*

Anyway.

Sasha’s huge hike yesterday.

A pheasant flew squawking across this field, so Sasha took off after it, incredulous. Here you can see her checking in and leaving when asked.

My partner went into a shop so me and Kasper went and sat in the town square. I can’t go into any shops as the lights trigger seizures within minutes. That basically means wherever we go we might as well take one of our dogs, as then I have company waiting outside!!

With no prompting at all, and with zero excitement, Kasper settled between my feet as we waited at the square, and just watched the world go by. I was so proud 😀

I wish I could be so happy out in the world!

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And with the girls today we walked through town, along the canal, through the farm fields, and back down through town. It was a huge walk, we were out almost two hours, and the girls got to observe lots of people, dogs, kids etc.

Sasha got to say hi to a dog, and Spudder got to say hi to a person. Toller was at least engaged and interested in what was going on around her, if not happy.

That coat was Pixie’s and is huge on Tolly haha! I’m missing Pixie an incredible amount at the moment, it’s like a gaping hole inside me. I think it’s come on so strong because I’m missing Tolly so much too *sigh*

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We also put Toller down on some grass for about 10 seconds!

Seeing as the vet has said we can start putting her down for small bursts of time in the house, we figured on a walk made sense as a toilet break and would be more interesting. My heart broke for her!

Also, this face ❤

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I’ve had a bad few days for seizures. Last night we had a friend round to watch a live event on TV, and had been looking forward to it for weeks…within half an hour I started having seizures and feeling awful, and had to just go hide in a dark room with Kasper for several hours *sigh*

Then today, we have new next door neighbours, and I was having a seizure right outside the front of our house, with Sasha’s lead in my hands. My partner had Tolly, so he came and got Sasha and took them both inside and behind a barrier, but couldn’t do much to help me so I was just sat blanked out on the wall whilst our neighbours walked within two feet of me and probably thought I was such a rude knob 😦

Crate rest: day 1 of 42

Nyx needs 6 weeks of crate rest, and there isn’t that much info on crate rest out there.

There are helpful sites, ideas to keep your pup happy, lists of tricks you can work on while your dog is on crate rest – but there isn’t much talk of owners’ experiences with such a stretch of crate rest.

So I’m going to try blog about each day of crate rest, no matter how bad it gets! 🙂

Day 1

We went to bed about 11pm last night, and getting Nyx to settle was initially hard. We brought a sofa bed mattress up and lay it on the floor, so Nyx could still sleep with us with no chance of her being able to jump or fall off a bed.

It took her a while to realise she had to settle where she was, and she couldn’t negotiate. We used our bodies as barriers, and once she was asleep she slept through the entire night 🙂

8am – wake up & toilet time! Took her out to the garden, thankful we have a small garden so walking isn’t a worry!!

9am – Nyx has been up an hour, and Nyx and I have barriered ourselves onto the footstool together (it’s about 4x4ft). When she tries to walk about too much I bring her to me and cuddle her.

Any stuffed toys our dogs have made holes in, I have been hiding treats inside them!

Cat treats, pizza crusts (very small chunks), small pieces of ham, kibbe etc. This has been AWESOME and kept her very calm, and busy.

Now we are heading out to carry her about before it gets too hot outside!

10am – carried Nyx up through town to the pet shop.

She got to see dogs walk past, lots of people, traffic. She got to be inside the pet shop, and be calm in our arms as we talked to the staff. This is what we were so scared of her missing when the first vet said she had to be in the crate 24/7 for six weeks.

By the time we were heading home the heat was rising, so I couldn’t do much of the carrying on the way back!!

It’s 10.20am now and Nyx is back with me on the footstool, lying between my legs emptying a Tux 🙂

10.40am, she finished her puzzle feeder and is sleeping 🙂

3.15pm – Nyx woke up!

She played with her soft toys (which I had treated up as she was sleeping) for about 20 minutes, then got taken to the loo.

After the loo she was given a hollow bone filled with wet food, kibble and her meds – the bones are best as she lies and chews them calmly, whereas some puzzle feeders she tosses them about. She also got a bowl of wet food mixed with chamomile and water, to keep her fluids up.

4pm – Once she’d eaten she was restless and whiny, flitting between half-heartedly playing with toys and her daddy, to needing to be held close for trying to be too energetic, and whining.

At 4.40pm we took her to the toilet again (another success) and then got her a new toy to play with, an empty plastic bottle. She is now happily chewing away at it and enjoying making it crackle 🙂

5pm – bored of the bottle and fed up with life ( 😉 ) Nyx is now whining, wriggling and moaning…because you know, all this definitely isn’t HER doing!

Toilet trip (nothing going) and now we are planning to go carry her around outside again to get her as mentally tired as possible.

I think we’ve been incredibly lucky with how chilled she has been up till now, so here is where the real struggle starts!!

5.40pm, just back from the walk. We walked to a bench 10 minutes away (because our arms couldn’t cope carrying this 9kg bag o’ rocks any further!!) and sat holding a stick for Nyx to chew on as she watched the world go by.

She watched some kids play with a football, and she was very interested in them, which was good. She saw lots of cyclists too…lots of things to mentally tire her!

Back at home she had a bit of a chew of her Tux…

…and then I brought the Buffalo horn out to see if she was interested in chewing it.

She’s alternating between chewing the Buffalo horn and the plastic bottle, with occasional whining. She really wants us to know that she’s bored already, take me for a walk already! 🙂

6.15pm – Nyx fell asleep *phew*

At 6.40pm we toileted a sleepy Nyx and transferred Nyx to her crate, as we still need to work on leaving her alone in the house.

7.05pm – returned from Kasper’s short off lead walk, toileted Nyx, and had her on the footstool. Gave her a scrunched up leaflet to chew and shred, which she did whilst whining almost continuously.

7.15pm, whining, whining, whining, whining as she plays. Lots of whining, some flailing as my partner holds her, and louder screamy-whining…ugh, I fucking hate whining, it drives me insane! This is like crate training crying, but she’s not even in a crate!!!

7.30 = sleep for Nyx, yaaaaaay thank you world 😄

9pm – Nyx is still sleeping…starting to worry about her waking up just as we’re going to bed haha! Wonder if I should wake her and do some gentle playing? It just seems so counter-productive!

Nyx woke up herself at 9.25pm. We took her to the toilet, and since she has been chewing the Buffalo horn, her bone, the old plastic bottle, and a new plastic bottle.

It’s 10.10pm so I’ll leave day one for now, and update how the night went tomorrow 🙂