Picking ourselves back up!

Admittedly we’ve had an AWFUL week (two weeks?) so yes, I broke when we found out Toller’s leg wasn’t as healed as we had hoped for.

BUT, I’m picking myself back up, my partner has been wodnerfully supportive, we have a plan and I think we can make it work πŸ™‚

Things are improving. I’m tired and in physical pain, and mentally still a little fragile, but I haven’t cried today…which is a huge frickin’ achievement hahaha!!

So yes. We’re waiting on the basic Β£70 wheelchair to arrive (2-5th May) and I’m honestly so excited! Some of the reviews said the chest straps dug into their dog, so we will be padding those, and that it’s very cheaply made and won’t last long…but we’re aware of that. It’s hopefully just a temporary measure whilst we save and raise money for a custom chair, which we could get months down the line πŸ™‚

Her fund jar!!


Please check out her go fund me here!

We spoke with the head nurse of another surgery today, who agreed a wheelchair was a good way to go and that amputation should have been offered from the start. She was really lovely and reassuring, and we chatted to her for a good 20 minutes ^_^

Anywho. Pics of everyone πŸ™‚

Kasper played PROPERLY with Sasha for the first time yesterday. As in fluid movements, play bows and chase. It was lovely!



Puppy dog eyes!

Unfortunately in less than two minutes he’d gotten overly excited, which resulted in over-aggressive play and attempted humping. Immediate time out for Boo with a frozen apple puzzle feeder!

This apple was stuffed with peanut butter, wet dog food, and coconut oil πŸ™‚

Speaking of frozen treats, ice cube treats are SO EASY to do!! And our three go barmy for them, I actually don’t know who loves them more…and they’re a perfect crate treat for Toller too! They come highly recommended from our pups and are so easy to make.

There are three varieties here: coconut oil, salmon oil and peanut butter, & salmon oil and wet dog food.

Sasha walk




Tired pupper πŸ™‚ You can see a little of my dog gear wall behind her too haha!


Spudder playing with loo roll πŸ™‚

Happy-ish days!

A ‘feel better’ walk

Awful day.

Finally managed to get out with the girls early evening (Toller being carried by my partner of course). Despite it being a sunny day the walk was really enjoyable, and I only had one seizure. Sasha alerted perfectly, and we sat out the way to recover – easy!

Had a really nice time…also if this isn’t the cutest photo ever, I don’t know what is. I love my partner so much πŸ™‚


My girls and my love!


We found a string of dead moles, which was grim. There are so many hunters in this area.


Beautiful view

For anybody who hasn’t seen on IG, Toller’s vet appt was cancelled this week and pushed back until next Wednesday.

At this point I’m completely sick of our vets. From them constantly getting her name wrong and never finding her on the system (they have her registered as ‘Polly’, we’ve told them half a dozen times to change it…) to the disgraceful way they treated Toller and all the misinformation and lack of information at the time of her accident, I’m done.

Why am I paying these guys so much to look at her, when they’re getting everything wrong, don’t have a clue on her prognosis, and can’t even get her name right?! Hmmm…

Throwback to sunny days

What do you get when you mix insomnia, hypomania, seizures and a cold?

Me -_-

My partner gave me a cold he had…WHO GETS A COLD IN SPRING?! Haha, ugh!

The weather has turned from 5 days of glorious sunshine, to now we’re on day 4 of constant rain. If I post these beautiful photos from when it was sunny, I’m thinking it will tempt the sun to return. Well, that and I feel too yucky to post anything else πŸ˜„

Although Charley never looked ‘fat’, he was overweight when he arrived here, and he’s lost a fair bit of chub in the few months we’ve had him. He’s a lean mean ball-fetching machine now! Who said you need walks to keep a dog fit?!

When he first arrived:

Birds’ eye view now:

And the best I could find from before:

His height seems to have shrunk this past month too…wait, what do you mean Sasha’s grown? WHY IS SHE STILL GROWING?! Will she never stop?? πŸ˜„

Possibly my favourite-est photo of all time πŸ™‚ ❀



Games in the sun. The last pic, yes, Sasha is biting his arse. This is something she does when Charley is playing fetch πŸ˜„

I bloody love his smile. And his eyes. And his lovely orangey head πŸ˜„




Smiley sun-Sasha is literally the cutest thing ever


This is my most favourite Sasha photo!!





Omg, these two πŸ™‚


Good training, good news!


Good news first!

Toller had a vet appt today with the good vet, just to check how her foot is recovering. The vet was thrilled with her progress and said Tolly is recovering faster than any of the vet staff anticipated πŸ˜€

Toller was walking around the exam room for about a minute so the vet could observe her limp (or lack of one!) and the vet was really impressed. She even said that within the next week we can start letting Toller walk a little in the house ^__^

We also got to ask about Toller’s wonky foot, which the vet said is not a concern. She said at worst it’s a little bit of ligament damage, which will just mean her foot is a little squiffy and the nails on that paw may need more care.


My little champ ❀


And some boy training videos, mostly Kasper.

Here’s Charley’s. I started teaching him to tidy away his toys haha πŸ™‚

Kasper rocking leave it

Kasper playing dead πŸ˜„

Kasper doing the initial part of the trick “say your prayers” (second part would be lowering his head)

Leg weaves (which he LOVES!!)

And a final leave it

I had more to say, but my head is a ball of seizurey cotton wool and I won’t make sense. So I’ll leave it here πŸ™‚

Update for all!

Sorry for not posting an update sooner. I was crappy yesterday and even though we knew an amputation isn’t on the cards for Toller, yesterday I was so stressed and panicky and just…frazzled.

Mentally much stronger today!

Toller is managing crate rest remarkably well.

She spends about 18 hours in her crate, and the rest being held on laps, carried, having chew toys held for her, or emptying puzzle feeders.

This second splint done by the good vet has stayed on fine. Toller is very happy in herself, she’s frustrated that she can’t run and play, but she’s wolfing her food down (or as fast as she can from a puzzle toy!) and gets so excited to give us kisses πŸ™‚

Tomorrow we have to phone the vets, so let’s see how that goes.

We have been getting Sasha used to being left more and more. Today she was left 56 minutes!

She’s totally fine and we could most likely amp up the duration much faster, but there’s no point rushing when she’s doing so well.

Today was a bit of a nightmare as we were supposed to go out into town, but just as we were ready to go I started having a cluster of seizures! Sasha alerted and sat with me, and I had a few and knew I was going to have more, but insisted we go out anyway.

I don’t remember walking into town and was totally out of it. Apparently my partner had to hold onto my jumper and arm to stop me ‘seizure running’ and falling into the road πŸ˜„

Oh also, the builders were waving a big lorry in at the site nearby, and one of them shouted that we’d be able to pass in just a moment, and that they’d also turned some lights off for me!! So they wouldn’t trigger seizures πŸ™‚

How kind is that?! I hope my partner thanked them a lot because I don’t recall how I responded at all!

In town my partner sat me in a safe corner whilst he ran into a shop to buy wet dog food (there’s an entire wall of windows so he could keep an eye on me), and afterwards we went to the pet shop. I was still out of it, so just melted to the floor in a corner, and the owner (who’s really nice and we know well) offered me a chair and when my partner was trying to get me up to leave said we could stay as long as needed.

After about ten minutes I was coming around a bit, we chatted for another ten minutes, then got up to go home. I was postictal so swaying as I walked, talking gibberish, and generally being a prat. People will definitely have thought I was drunk πŸ˜„

Charley isn’t getting walks anymore as he gets himself so worked up around cars.

The head halter has stopped his pulling, but if anything it’s made his associations with cars worse, as now he can’t lunge or chase them, the halter keeps him from pulling and he just gets even more frantic and anxious.

It’s got to the point where it’s dangerous to walk him as a lot of the pavements around here are so narrow, and when he’s in that state he bucks and swings his bum around. He also blew off recall repeatedly the other day as he saw cars driving past whilst on the beach – we’d call, he’d come running, then see a car and go tearing off after it.

It was a safe area so no fear of him getting hit, but walks aren’t doing him any good atm.

We’re going to have a few weeks / a month off, and instead will tire him in the house…fetch, stair games, training, scent games Sasha wrestling, yard time, and paddling pool fun now the weather’s heating up.

Photos from the walk!


My favourite four pics πŸ™‚

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And once I’d had a rest and was feeling better today, I took Kasper out for a walk whilst the big pups were tired and Toller was having mental stimulation.

We had a great time and we did loooaaads of training.

For all that he genuinely is the worst dog ever, his excitement and love of training completely redeems his shite-ness in other areas πŸ˜„

And, because he’s stupidly pretty, here are some nice pics of him:




It’s his Gotcha Day at the end of this month. We will have had him six years!

I don’t know what to get him, especially considering we have no money. Yes, I am aware he doesn’t know it’s his Gotcha and he doesn’t care about presents, but he has ALWAYS had gifts on his Gotcha and I’m not stopping that now.

I’m thinking homemade cake and treats, maybe a really cheap harness…it’s not like he can *really* have toys because he just eats them, and chews are dangerous for him as he inhales them whole…ah Kasper, you big idiot πŸ˜„

All the training!

Taking a step back from Sasha’s training has beenΒ amazing.

The pressure is off both of us! Sasha can choose when she wants to train and when she wants to walk off and do her own thing. She has more freedom on walks, and I’m not pushing for the perfect heel.

Because I’m not doing several sessions a day with her, I HAVE TIME TO TRAIN MY OTHER DOGS!!

And because I’m getting my fill of ‘training with dogs who really *want* to do it’, I’m appreciating Sasha’s cuddles and interactions more πŸ˜€

It sounds stupid and like doing this shouldn’t have made such a difference, butΒ it has!

Last night I trained Charley, and we worked on leave it and stay. I also started teaching Toller a new trick. I present you with the notion of…


Yeah, I know, it’s kinda already a thing to have your dog jump off you and stuff. But my dog’s tiny so I am all the agility equipment she needs πŸ˜„

No but seriously. I’m teaching Toller to go under my leg and then flip over my body back to where she started. It’s only in the very initial stages because we’ve done one training session so far, but omg so cute!

And then the craziest thing happened –Β tonight Sasha actually wanted to train!

We were goof balling about, me slapping her, her jumping up at me, just going wild. And she wanted to train. So we did. And we had an *awesome* session!!

We did stay, stim alert, between, walking whilst between, directional cues, leave it, face booping and probably more that I’ve forgotten.

I only filmed a short clip, but here we go. First I do a stay where I jog back and forth (you’ll also notice I don’t use my marker, “yes”, because I was expecting to click – I had the damn clicker in my hand AND IT BROKE hahaha!!).

After that we do a stim alert. This will be an alert to panic (I stim when I’m panicked, hallucinating etc) and will be an interruption – maybe she brings me a toy, licks my face, or insists on pets. I’ve also found a great use for it during partial seizures too; I ‘fake’ stim and when Sasha alerts to it I use her to ground me!

The third stay had even more distractions – my partner hauling the vacuum about in the kitchen and me sprinting backwards and forwards!!

Ah, it’s been fun πŸ™‚

Another fantastic thing that happened today. Feel good story here!

Our friend asked if he could pop by after work today. We said yes. When he turned up he had a surprise – he’d bought us bags and bags of food.

He knew we had no money, and that we’d made sure to buy kibble for the pups but weren’t sure where we would get food from…and he brought food around. So much food. How absolutely adorable is that?

We were completely floored. It was so unexpected. And we were overwhelmed with gratitude. What an amazing person!


Tomorrow I have my parents coming up. Wasn’t sure it was gonna happen, but it is, so hopefully it’ll be okay. The weather’s supposed to be dry, which I am hugely grateful for!

Plan is a walk with Sasha and Charley, they go home with my partner and me and Toller will go for a walk with my ‘rents. After that me, my partner, my ‘rents and Sasha will head out for a few hours. Grab some food, go for a nice walk. Home time and done!

To finish up this post, enjoy Toller trying to dry herself after her bath last night whilst wearing her jacket THAT SHE HAS OUTGROWN!!!

**edited to add**

The baby mice are absolutely stunning – 10 days old, photos from today here, and make sure to look out for the little boy named Grin!!

I have the best dogs

I cannot describe how in love I am with my dogs.

Kasper drives me up the wall. He is, legit, the worst dog ever. He resource guards, he doesn’t like the others (with the exception of Toller, and only then in short bursts!), he counter surfs every chance he gets, he will not lie down and rest until he is on the brink of exhaustion… he really is an awful dog haha. But I love him.

Charley’s recall isn’t so good, he doesn’t stay close on walks, he pulls like a steam train on lead and is obsessed with cars. But I think he’s hilarious and he’s an awesome dog.

Sasha is calm and quiet, and when she does rile up she ends up either slapping me in the face with her bear paws or nipping my bum!! She doesn’t live for training like me, and she’d rather sleep than go hiking…but she’s a cuddly lump, she makes me happy, and she looks after me.

Toller would still haveΒ accidents in the house if you didn’t watch her like a hawk and toilet her frequently, and she whines and howls randomly in her crate…but she is perfection itself πŸ™‚

I love my dogs

They each offer different things, and although every one of them has bloody annoying quirks or behavioural issues, they are great.

Kasper challenges me, he keeps me on my toes. Sasha alerts to my seizures, loves cuddles and offers calmness when I need to chill. Charley is earger to please and playful and a fun-loving goof. And Toller is Toller, she’s amazing!

Not having to worry about training with Sasha means I have more time and energy to train with the other pups, who all actually enjoy training. For the other three, training easily ranks in their top five things.

I’m finding more joy in Sasha because the pressure is off, and I’m not trying to squash her into a mold she does’t fit in. She can be who she is, and if she wants to sleep whilst I train someone else, fine! I’ve had so much fun with all the pups today πŸ™‚

The day started with my usual game of refill half a dozen puzzle feeders for the freezer, and gather all the toys from around the house…and yes, our current ‘toy bin’ in the living room is a giant pan bwahaha. We stole the storage box for part of the gerbils cage and I had to think on my feet!!


Next it was time for the little ones to go out into the garden and go to the loo, then have some crazy play.

Kasper goes into his ‘mini pen’ when the little ones need to go out back, we basically halve the kitchen so he has his crate and a small area, and he can greet and sniff all the dogs through the barrier but not grump at them…I honestly don’t know why Toller is so madly in love with him πŸ˜„

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Once everybody had been to the loo, we had a bit of a photoshoot!!

Sasha…where are your eyes?!?!? πŸ˜„


Omg Sasha’s face though πŸ˜„


Love this ❀

Next Kasper went for his walk whilst the younger pups played, then my partner stayed home and I actually took Tolly out on my own πŸ˜€

I don’t walk the dogs on my own much, because it’s not ideal with seizures haha! But I was having a good morning, the sky wasn’t white, and Toller’s a dream, so I wanted to give it a bash. We were only out for 20 minutes, but we had a blast!!

I had one very mild seizure on the walk back, but it was fine.


How Toller, how are you so damn cute?!


Back home mad play resumed, and then our friend arrived!

Crate time for Kasper and Toller, and we headed out on a hike with the big pups.

My brain had had a bit much by this point and so I had some seizures on this walk. Not bad ones, but at one point my partner had crossed a muddy puddle and I was having a seizure on the other side. I had carried on walking, but in the wrong direction, so my partner asked our friend to go grab me so I wouldn’t trip up.

Our friend jogged after me and got hold of my jumper literally centimeters from this 4ft ditch!!!! I came to on the edge of this hole with him clinging onto me Β laughing hahaha πŸ˜„


After the walk we had two tired pups, so they both slept whilst Kasper had another walk. Everyone then either slept or emptied puzzle feeders.

Finally it was time for everybody to wake up, have another play session, and Toller got to bother her beloved grumpy brother. Now I have a very tired Poodle curled up on my lap, Charley is upstairs napping with my partner, Toller is sleeping in her crate, and Kasper is sprawled on a bed in the kitchen!

(Charley had bad diarrhea last night and bless my partner he was up and down all night toileting him!)

My dogs are extremely important to me. Not only do I enjoy them, but they give me purpose and keep me busy. If I didn’t have dogs that needed walks, or training, or were begging me to play…I’d be lost.

They’re crucial to my managing my illnesses and continuing to make progress, and I am very grateful for that πŸ™‚