Depression takes the happiness out of everything.
We saw the New Year in with me curled up in my partner’s arms crying. We only knew it was New Year when family rang. The happiest moments of days leave me feeling worse afterwards, because I know that where I should be living on a high, I just feel…nothing. Or despair.
I’ve been living with major depression since I was ten years old. I’m tired of it now, I really am.
I constantly imagine if I’d successfully killed myself at 16 (probably the the time where I attempted it most), I could have saved myself 11 years of grief. That’s a very sad thought.
Oh I am so cheerful, Happy New Year everyone XD
Yesterday Tolly had her first walk where she went down on the ground. It was only for a few minutes, but she LOVED it!! It was kinda hilarious watching her spring about madly and ricochet off my wellies!
It left me feeling worse afterwards, because I knew that where I should have had a really fun and cute time, and this should be a memory I treasure forever, it was soiled by low mood. It infiltrates everything.
If playing with cute puppies or cuddling with my partner doesn’t cheer me up, nothing can. It’s lonely.
It was *incredibly* hard to walk with Toller XD
Not only was she bouncing off my wellies, but she spent a lot of time walking / running between or around my feet. I had to walk scraping my feet along the floor so I wouldn’t accidentally stand on her!!
Did I tell you how much Toller weighed?
I can’t remember so I’ll just tell you again!
So at 9 weeks old she weighed 1.25kg (my partner got it wrong and originally told me it was 1.5kg)
And at 12.5 weeks she weighs 1.95kg
Omg she doesn’t weigh 2kg yet XD I used a puppy-adult weight prediction calculator, and it’s now settled at 3.6kg!!
To put this into perspective, Pixie (Chihuahua x Dachshund) weighed 5.3kg full grown, and Raiden weighed 3.6kg at 14 weeks old. Omb she is going to be SO SMALL!
We work on obedience whilst I sort a few of the mice…plus she just looks insanely cute on the shelves XD
New Years Eve photo shoot happened!
We used to call these toys her littermates, because they were almost the same size as her…she’s groooown!!
Sasha laughs. They were never her littermates.
Somehow Tolly still fits under the drawers, where the tiny juice bottles live.
My Poodle is a donkey.
And working on our between and focus trick 🙂
And a lot of Spoonies were making charts using these, so I joined in 🙂