Rollercoaster ride

Me and my partner were laughing at how stupid we are today.

Everyday we wake up feeling positive about the day ahead, and excited about what we’ll do and how nice it’ll be…and by the end of every day we’re miserable and say “well that was another bad day, tomorrow will be better!” Definition of stupidity right there, we decided XD

Ah well. The next bit is bipolar whingings, skip to after the first photo to avoid!

Today my partner had to call up a benefit, as they’d given me an appt I had to attend. When my partner phoned to explain I was too ill to make the appt or a home visit, and that I hadn’t managed a medical appt in 6 months, but that we were working on it, they said we had to get a GP letter stating that was true.

So we did that. Only the receptionist at the GP surgery got confused and kept saying the letter wasn’t done yet, and then when we phoned yesterday (the appt was supposed to be today!) a different receptionist said it had been waiting there for several days.


So my partner phoned the benefit to say we obviously weren’t coming to the appt but that the letter would’t arrive either as there’d been a mix up. We had tried to ring yesterday, twice, but after being on hold for 20 minutes each time nobody had picked up.

Anyway, the person who answered today wouldn’t accept what my partner was saying or write a note on the system saying we’d phoned, unless I spoke on the phone and answered security questions.

We’ve told them dozens and dozens of times that I can’t talk on the phone, and that as he’s my registered partner he can talk on my behalf – sometimes they’re okay with this, sometimes they’re not.

Today they weren’t.

It’s got to the point that when I hear the hold music now, I start to feel incredibly panicky, and by the time someone picks up my heart’s racing, I feel sick and I’m sweating. My partner promised before ringing today he wouldn’t ask me to talk on the phone if they wanted me to, so I was a little less stressed than normal.

But my partner got flustered because they just kept saying they had to talk to me, so he asked me several times if I could talk on the phone, then stood with the phone covered saying he didn’t know what to do…I got immensely stressed, I ended up crying, then having a seizure, then coming around and crying hysterically.

I felt completely useless and worthless (Who hears voices that mean they can’t talk on the phone? Who has seizures because someone asked them to talk on the fucking phone?!?), and then I felt really sad because my partner had asked me to talk on the phone when a) he knows I can’t, and b) he’d said he wouldn’t.

I was sobbing hysterically and he was hugging me and trying to comfort me and I said something along the lines of, “You don’t get it, why don’t you get it? It’s like me telling you to go jump off a cliff and fly – you’d say you couldn’t do it.”

I had another seizure, and then when I was finally returning to myself I put some music on my Ipod and managed to calm down and even myself out. Sasha helped by actually coming over to snuggle a little and then wanting to play.


“Hoomum is feeling better. My job here is done.”

For something so upsetting we all bounced back pretty damn well. We lost several hours of the day and of course nothing was sorted, but at least we didn’t write the day off.

We got a tiny *tiny* bit of snow today. Hardly ever get snow in this area 🙂

I showed Sasha her first snowball and she couldn’t care less haha! Rey’s first snow was last year  and was a couple inches deep, so I guess Sasha’s is pretty lame in comparison!

Earlier in the day we managed to get out in between torrential rain and had a really fun time, really lifted my spirits 🙂

Love this photo ^__^

Off lead recall and heel work…great to say she’s 15 weeks old and we’ve only been working on this 3 weeks 🙂

Also after three months, the roadworks that blocked and closed the road in our village were completed today.

These roadworks were in response to the floodng we get every winter, and in particular Storm Desond last year. They supposedly sorted out all the sewerage systems so that flooding would no longer be an issue.

As I said the roadworks finished today, and this week we’ve had a lot of heavy rain…oh look, blocked & overflowing drains and a flooded road!! XD


The roadworks took place by that red construction sign, so it’s a pretty funny place to flood. Guess all that months of work has gone down the drain (ba dum dum, sorry, couldn’t resist!!!!)

This evening we walked into town and did some superb training.

This was Sasha’s first time walking on a very narrow pavement by a very busyroad, and as she was initially so freaked by cars I have kinda been dreading the road opening again. She handled it great though, little spooked the first few times but with a ton of praise and a fast rate of reinforcement she did really well 🙂

We took her  into our GP surgery; the GP part was closed but the chemist was open so it was really quiet and perfect training time. Going in involved walking through two automatic doors and the lights in there are super bright and the floor super shiny – Sasha did really well!!

My partner went to buy some extra strong painkillers and me and Sash sat a few feet away just chilling. She was good and we had no access issues, much appreciated!

We also popped into the entrance to the second biggest supermarket local to us to have a quick scan of an information board; this involved another automatic door and standing still, and Sasha was good again 🙂

I’m still battling my way through Control Unleashed and it seems so good.

Today I read an awesome part about ‘red flags’ in puppies that mean they’re uncomfortable with a situation or you may need to put more effort into making them feel confident, so they aren’t fearful when older.

Most of these avoided the obvious ‘red flags’ such as growling, and were more easy-to-miss signs such as a puppy reacting to new people / dogs with neutrality (NOT fear or avoidance, just showing no excitement or interest), it was a rea;;y interesting read and I can’t wait to read more. I’m hoping my brain will be alive enough to absorb some while my partner’s podcasting ^__^

Day done. Just waiting for a stupidly-fighting-sleep Sasha to settle now. I hate puppies when they’re tired but fighting off sleep…


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