Sensitive talk, trigger warning

My partner sat me down today and said that unless we do something he doesn’t think I will be alive this time next year.

I said I agreed with him.

I’ve cried so much today.

Then tonight we met with a trainer who has a lot of experience with assistance dogs, and they assessed Pixie. They said they could see she’d come a long way, that she has a lot of potential, and we could probably get her to the stage of being good with everything we needed over time…but that she probably couldn’t be registered because of her previous extreme fear and her nervousness now.

So.

My partner’s contacting breeders with pups ready to go soon. He wants a pup I can work asap, because getting out and training has been the only thing keeping me going. I can see that. I’m looking forward to the training classes and the socialisation and the effort that will go into it.

I contacted my parents tonight and asked for some money they’ve owed me for years, because otherwise there’s no way we can get a puppy. It was after a shit day and after a huge seizure. I cried down the phone a lot. I HATE crying in front of anyone apart from my partner, but I especially detest crying in front of my parents.

They’re going to get in touch later. Not looking forward to it, I’m so emotionally drained and I feel cold, tired, have a headache…that means a seizure’s coming and probably a biggie. Uuuugh 😦

No hate please about any of this. I’m grasping at straws here. I want to live even if my mind wants me to die.

 

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Sensitive talk, trigger warning

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s