Seiz(ur)e the day

I paid for having three days with no seizures, today has just been one big seizure ๐Ÿ˜›

I joke but I’ve felt foggy, distant and confused all day. I had one catatonic seizure where I was unresponsive, but it was only short, and I’ve had some smaller seizures where I’m aware of my surroundings but can’t respond. Outside the actual seizures I’ve just been in a haze, and after each seizure I get more and more tired.

The pink blankety lump is me and Pixie haha! I don’t like my partner watching me during a seizure, so he either goes upstairs or I hide, and he’s allowed to check on me regularly to make sure I’m okay. God help me if it happens outdoors somewhere XD

And I came around to this ๐Ÿ˜€ โค

It’s not been the worst day ever though…just incredibly exhausting!!

I made a friend who has NES today, and she directed me to a seizure group onย facebook. Everyone there has been so welcoming and I’ve already learnt so much from them.

I learnt that I have an aura before my seizures, which is lucky because I know they’re coming. Mine is feeling detached, having a headache and the left side of my mouth twitches.

I also learnt that when I get ‘stuck’ staring at something and can’t break away, even though I’m aware of my surroundings that’s just a different type of seizure.

Today has been lost in a mess of seizures, confusion and exhaustion. I’ve felt very sorry for my partner who has pretty much been left alone all day haha ๐Ÿ˜›

I also got some info about what to expect at the Dr’s appt in a few weeks time, but I don’t wanna talk about that just yet. Freaked me out big style and I don’t want another seizure or a panic attack, so for now I’ll just bury my head in the sand.

Despite it being a foggy-head day, I made it out on a walk and I remember most of it.

I think Pixie did really good, and know for a fact we walked almost the entire way hands free with her heeling!!

seizurewalk

The one time she lost focus was when two dogs were barking at her about 15ft away, so she pulled to the end of the lead and gave them some huffs. She bounces back from stuff like that really quickly, which is awesome ๐Ÿ™‚

She walked in a heel and held eye contact walking past hikers on a narrow bit of road. She came onto my lap on cue to be picked up. We did LAT with some sheep on the opposite side of the stream with zero anxiety on her part. Lots of good stuff.

seizurewalk2

Bwahahaha, lovely picturesque photo until you see the little zombie dog hahaha!

Zoomie video, nothing much exciting happens, although Pixie does fall in slow-mo and it’s adorable ๐Ÿ˜€

You might have noticed all my photos are terrible quality at the moment. I haven’t been using my camera much because editing the photos gives me trouble, so I’ve been using my mobile. It’ll do for now ๐Ÿ™‚

seizure2

I seem to just drop food on her. A lot XD

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6 thoughts on “Seiz(ur)e the day

  1. So sad about the seizures you’re experiencing, I hope the doc will be able to provide you with some meds that will help! I love seeing Pixie zoom about – round and round and I love how she keeps coming back to check on you! Such a happy little dog!!

    • Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ She’s a real sweetheart, and so happy these days. I spend every second of every day with her and feel such an incredible bond…we need to start working on leaving her alone again to try avoid any separation anxiety, but I hate being without her…not only do I love her company but she helps me feel safe too.

  2. It’s the aura that Pixie is picking up on – she’s probably aware of it even before you are! Glad you’ve found a FB group that can help, and you can learn the ins and outs and gain some knowledge before the doc appointment. It will hopefully empower you to get the treatment you need.

    • Oh she definitely is Kate, I’ve really had to drill it into my head to pay attention to her alerts – when she comes and sits next to me, staring, I need to start paying attention even if I think I feel fine haha. It’s a hard thing to wrap my head around ๐Ÿ˜›

      I might need an EEG and an MRI, which is freaking me out big time because not only have I avoided all appts due to a hearty amount of fear, and those will last 20-60 minutes, but obviously Pixie can’t be with me and even my partner can’t be there for an MRI. Bleh!

      • The good thing about both tests is they’re just machines that can have a look inside you to see what’s going on and are useful both to diagnose and to discount things. A lot of people fear the MRI machine, but the worst thing about them is the clicking noise – damn annoying! It is a short term fear that, if you can keep under control, is over pretty quickly and will help your doctor. Can you practice some relaxation and coping techniques now so that you’re more prepared when you get there? Your partner can sit outside and be there as soon as it’s done, and the staff are usually lovely and reassuring because they understand how patients feel. Gold star for Pixie!!! Xx

      • The problem is that I can’t *get* to the appt, and on top of that can’t cope with the MRI/EEG. This is why it would have been great if they’d sorted me out with anti-psychotic meds like we tried to get them to last winter :/

        I can just about manage a GP appt because it’s a 10 min walk away (although I haven’t done that in about 8 months due to fear / paranoia), but getting to the hospital involves a taxi, bus, or train which does horrendous things for my psychosis. If I could cope with that I then have to go into a hospital (not good), then interact with people (really not good!) and finally get the MRI or whatever. There’s no way I could do that right now, especially when I can’t even have my partner with me.

        And of course when we try talk to professionals and explain this, they don’t get it because these are things other people could do in their sleep ๐Ÿ˜› But I haven’t left our village in months, and I can’t be in busy places with lots of people…so none of it is very helpful and none of it’s very easy. I’m hoping the GP might just say ‘yes you have seizures!’ and prescribe a medication that is also approved as a mood stabiliser in the USA, and then everything will be magically fixed hahaha!

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