Cool as a cucumber

Had a training triumph today with Raiden 🙂

We were on a walk, Rey was on a 10ft longline pootling, when he noticed something behind us. We turned and there was a straying JRT 30ft away.

Raiden used to be incredibly excited whenever he heard another dog, never mind saw one. If he saw a dog, no matter how far away, he would pull, lunge, act extremely giddy, bark, scrabble, yap and whine.

Through LAT, engage-disengage and drilling in “let’s go” / “this way”, we have seen such amazing improvement!

The JRT was the perfect sort of dog – we were initially tense when seeing it, waiting for it to belt over and make our lives extremely difficult, but no, it ignored Raiden, walked slowly, and was busy enjoying the smells of the world. Perfect!

We rewarded Raiden for disengaging from the distraction, called him to carry on when he was getting too focused, and you know what? After a few glances he carried on walking, bounced back from the excitement and was completely calm, he even offered sits and was doing tricks!!!

This is the puppy that used to lose his head if he so much as saw the silhouette of another dog 100ft away 😀

That made us feel really good, like all the training was paying off and Rey will one day be calm around other dogs. He’s coming along great 🙂

Bipolar drivel incoming

Sick of feeling like this now. Not needing sleep, being awake so long when everyone else in the house is sleeping. Antsy, needing to be on the move, like I’m plugged into a socket and there’s a current racing through me.

Sometimes with mania I feel SO GOOD, and other times I just want it to be over, I just want it to end…but I know without the mania right now I’d either be battling crippling anxiety and stress over the psychosis, or anxiety, psychosis and depression.

I can’t take this much longer either though.

Dear god why can’t the NHS just let me see a psychiatrist and get me on some medication that might actually help…

I want to sneak out whilst everyone is sleeping, but Kasper would wake up and he’d wake my partner up. I want to sneak out and walk for miles and miles and get lost and see where I end up or go out and drink as much booze as I can until I’m stumbling drunk and everything’s an adventure…I’d probably only manage one drink though seeing as I haven’t drunk alcohol in a year 😀

The sensible part is telling me I’m doing the right thing sitting here blogging, the other much bigger manic part is saying “GET OUT! HAVE FUN! DO SOMETHING DANGEROUS, YOU CAN’T GET HURT ANYWAY!”

Because I’m not *too* manic, and I know how much it would worry my partner, I can make the right choice…but I can still hear that other side, I can still feel the energy fizzing around me.

Everything is such a struggle and I am tired of it.

I’m doing okay, I’m not meaning to sound melodramatic or worry anyone, I’m just…I’d like any time stable, I really would, and I never get it!



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