If I can’t go out…

…I will spend money -__-

It’s only been five days that I’ve been stuck in the house (due to not being able to leave Zoey) but I am already feeling the effect on me mentally.

I switch between resenting Zoey for making it so I can’t go out, and crying over her because I know she’s going to be leaving and I love her so much. It’s horrible. I just want her to be happy, but I also can’t never go out!

Five days might not sound like a long time to be stuck indoors, but the only time I get to go out is to walk Zoey with my partner and, as it’s been raining a lot, that’s been less than an hour every day.

Back before all this happened I spent over four hours a day walking my dogs, sometimes it would be more like six. Then a few times a week we were out doing things too…

I miss those walks so much 😦

On top of that since this began (which was early-mid November), other than the meal with my parents I haven’t left the house for anything other than dog walks.

Sure, up to Zoey’s most recent episode, I was leaving the house to walk Zoey AND to walk Raiden, but that’s still only a few hours a day. Apart from that meal last Wednesday I don’t remember the last time I ventured into the civilised world…I haven’t been shopping, traveled anywhere, had a day trip, been to a pet shop etc in almost two months.

I am struggling with boredom combined with depression. Because of the depression I don’t want to do anything / can’t get enjoyment from things I’d normally happily do, and that causes intense boredom…it feels similar to when I’m manic and can’t sit still long enough to do anything.

Thanks to some old meds I found in the house I’m at least sleeping now (I don’t need to hear the “you shouldn’t take old meds” routine; the GP was shut for another five days, they wouldn’t prescribe me anything anyway because I’ve been waiting a month and a half for a psych appt, and we couldn’t get to hospital because of Zoey)…I’m tempted to keep taking small doses of the meds so I just sleep all day haha. Joking…kinda.

Anyway.

We got a lot of Christmas money this year instead of physical gifts…normally I would save all of it and put it in our ‘vet fund’ in case the dogs get sick, but I need an outlet so badly.

Sometime in the next few weeks we are adopting two chinchillas (we were supposed to pick them up around Christmas but Zoey scuppered that). This is the one thing I am excited about atm, so I’m trying to spend as much time daydreaming about them, looking at other people’s cages, researching diet etc as I can.

First of all I bought a new cage for them: this cage! It measures 80cm x 50cm x 140cm!

I then bought in four very large wooden shelves to replace most the plastic ones (cost about £40 total). I plan on leaving plastic shelves at the very top but covering them in fleece, just until I get a gauge on how chewy the chins are!

After that I bought in the necessaries…dust for bathing, food, lots of chew toys, a pumice stone and natural loofas (both for chewing!). I bought a double hammock, a Chinchilla cube, a cat tree and two hay toys. The chin cage should look awesome with all this and we should have two happy chins 🙂

On top of that I bought the Blueberry harness for Kasper, after talking with the company they said I should buy the L size. And then I bought two boxes of chicken feet for all the pups to enjoy.

Finally I purchased some felt tip pens and two colouring books for me…The Little Book Of Calming Colouring and a Dog Lover adult colouring book.

Bye bye Christmas money…

I’m annoyed I’ve spent so much. We should have saved it, for the dogs, bills etc…but at the same time I needed to spend it. My partner usually spends his half of the Christmas money whilst I save mine; he says he doesn’t mind switching this year…sorry lovebug!

I’ve been blogging a lot more than usual as well, because it’s something I can still enjoy and that keeps me busy for quite a while.

My head will explode if this goes on much longer.

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4 thoughts on “If I can’t go out…

  1. What’s done is done – but you do need to get out, and also get some time out. Christmas money is for spending anyway. Things will get better so just hang in there. How is the adoption going?

    • Thank you Maureen, your comments are always so appreciated 🙂 I’m hopeful the adoption will work, the couple sound like they would love her and fit so well. We’re just waiting to hear when they can get a lift up to meet Zoey, and will take it from there.

      The rain has finally stopped so I got to go out for a few hours with Zoey and my partner…I feel much better now and Zoey had a fab time off lead 🙂

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