My psychosis is horrific at the moment, which means I am constantly stressed, anxious and ready to snap…and snap I do.
I don’t understand how my partner can still love me.
How does he love me after the things I do, the things I say? How does he love me after all the stress I cause us both? Why does he stay?
I know it’s not technically my ‘fault’, me being ill, I know I wouldn’t choose to be this way…but it’s just not fair on him 😦
Today he walked Kasper and Zoey, then I took Raiden for a walk with him. It was already dark, but neither of us minded, and Raiden got to go off-lead (with longline trailing) in the dark for the first time.
At one point I heard jangling and we called him back to us, and there turned out to be a person with two dogs up ahead, a German Shepherd and a Springer Spaniel. Rey got to say hi to them and he was AWESOME!
He didn’t jump on them or try stand on their backs (yay!) and he wasn’t overly desperate to play. He did his little vocal excitement noises, which are adorable, and when the older dogs clearly didn’t want to play he diverted his attention back to us and carried on *really* well 🙂
We were so proud of him, and it’s certainly the best he’s ever done at being calm with uninterested dogs and coming away without being asked. That was a nice boost!
Back home and the layout of the living room was driving me crazy(er?)…which sounds ridiculous, but it is what it is.
So we spent the next several hours lugging heavy furniture about, tidying and cleaning. The room is completely different now and finally we’ve opened up some space where the dogs can sprint and play bitey face…*phew* 🙂
It may look odd to most people…
Behind the oddly placed microwave there’s a secret doggy den, consisting of the footstool / bed and a camping chair that’s actually hidden from view 😀
Zoey’s pen is still surrounded on all sides, which she prefers, and if she’s in this pen (as oppose to the one in the kitchen!) she’s blocked from view so can’t see / get upset as we play or chill
Hey Blocky Girl, what d’you think?! 😀
We’re still alive and fighting, we’ve survived. Tomorrow is another day.