*exploding head*

I’m apparently pretty ill at the moment, my head is a huge mess.

My partner had just managed to persuade me that we did, in fact, need to go to the GP and begin the nightmare process of accessing MH services again, only to find out my GP has left the surgery. She was the only professional in this area that treated us with respect, took us seriously, and fought for help and support. One out of nine.

I don’t know what we’re doing now. I keep hiding behind the ‘I’m fine’ mask, but my partner is getting more forceful that we *need* help, be it from the GP or going to hospital. I am fighting valiantly. Days are a confusing mess.

Good news though, we did find an awesome birthday present for Zoey!

I wasn’t actually planning to buy her an antler, as I asked my parents to buy me two XL Stagbars for my birthday that I could give to Kasper and Zoey.

But then I was rooting in a local pet shop a few days ago, and this pet shop is weird…all the dog toys are a mess and stuffed into a 3-tier basket together, hundreds of them. There’s no order and some of them are old, faded and covered in dust, whilst others are new designs.

Sometimes the toys are way overpriced, but other times you find a hidden gem like this – £12 for a foot-long antler!

antler2

We also found a cool Nylabone-type chew bone for Raiden that has a channel in the middle you can fill with something soft (eg. peanut butter, cottage cheese etc) and freeze it!!

antler1

As well as that Zoey will also have a Kong Wobbler, and of a giant Octopus and treats for her birthday 🙂

I also saw something I reeeaaally want for my birthday. Over on The Rufus Way they shared an etsy shop with the most beautiful lead I’ve ever seen…I have a thing for blue skies, and clouds, and hot air balloons…so this lead fills me with joy!

dreamlead

Unfortunately it’s so nice I wouldn’t want to let it get muddy, and we really only use leads that have multiple D clips or are 8ft+ long…but I want it so bad! I would hang it on my wall and just stare at it all day 😛

My partner’s getting me some awesome things for my birthday though, I’m  really excited. It should be a lovely!

He’s getting us both tattoos (his first!), and I was going to get a flight cage full of different species of finches, but now we’re looking into adopting two male degus which would be incredibly exciting…degus are one of the few pet rodents we’ve never had!

And my parents are coming up to stay that weekend, which will be fun. We’re planning a trip to the petting farm…yes, we are that cool 😉

Two weeks until mine and Zoey’s birthdays!!

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27 thoughts on “*exploding head*

  1. Sorry things are not going too well ..do you access to a CPN ? or cognitive therapy ? if ever you need to chat just e-mail, although I’m trained in Dementia / End of Life care I do know how important it is to have a sounding board
    What tattoo are you thinking of having ?? something uber cool no doubt 🙂

    • I haven’t had a CPN for several years, these days instead of a Psychiatrist & CPN team, they give me a Psychiatrist and a Social Worker, and I see the SW every 2 – 3 weeks and the Psych a couple of times a year. No idea why.

      I’ve been referred for CBT quite a few times, but I’m always turned down because I’m ‘not stable enough’…so instead they just don’t offer any support or advice. It’s just regular meet-ups where they say ‘Oh sorry things are tough, keep doing what you’re doing!’

      Thank you so much, that is really sweet of you and very much appreciated 🙂

      The tattoo is really lame haha but we’re gonna love them! Basically when we hold hands we always hold my right and his left, so where our arms touch I’m going to have a padlock and he’s going to have a key 😀

      Although it really is very sappy, I like it because most people won’t have a clue what the tattoos are for, especially if we’re not together, and we both get to personalise our own tattoo…like my partner is getting a key that’s in a game he likes!

      • Has your SW ever given you a crisis line / on call phone number ?? where I live we have a very strong MH service (as everywhere should)
        As for the tattoo your partner gets to be the Gatekeeper 🙂

      • I have the number for the local Crisis Resolution & Home Treatment team, but we’ve met with them a number of times before and haven’t had a single positive experience with them…one time at A&E the CRHT refused to let my partner come into the room with me, which I found terrifying. They spent half an hour demanding I talk and answer questions, then left me alone in the middle of a hospital I’d never been to before, to try find my way back to my partner!

        They had said they’d talk to him afterwards, but when he eventually found them and asked to chat, they said to ask me what had happened and walked off.

        Another professional I saw, in the early days when we didn’t know what was wrong, told me I must be taking recreational drugs. She was adamant that I could only suffer psychotic symptoms if I was taking drugs…despite the fact I wasn’t.

        Where we live now has the best MH support we’ve seen so far, but it’s really still not great heh. It doesn’t help that I freak out meeting professionals now and lost trust very easily…each time I have to deal with a ‘scary’ Dr / SW it makes me less and less likely to go back for help.

        Hahaha, well a key / padlock is pretty useless without the other, so it describes us well XD

      • MH is such a contentious issue, as some folks don’t have the understanding of how important mental well being effects the very core of our existence !!! (professionals included)
        When do you get your ink ??

      • My partner phoned up a local tattoo shop today. It only opened this year but has amazing reviews and the woman seems awesome, so he booked us in this weekend 😀

        I am really excited! We have to bob in at some point this week to show her what we want, and on Saturday we get out tattoos ^__^

        And this evening we’re going to pick up the degu boys that we’re adopting for my birthday too, so I can’t wait!

        Birthdays are the best when you get all the presents a few weeks early – please note Zoey that does not include you hahaha 😛

      • You more than deserve it, without your advice and support for Oscar The Plum I would be on the verge of tears more than one ..so it’s me that thanks you ❤

      • I love that his title is Oscar The Plum, it makes me laugh every time XD

        Aww thank you…I still have moments of ‘Oh jeez I cannot cope!’ with these three fairly often, so I can empathise, but at least it no longer happens a dozen times a day like when Kasper was a teen! 🙂

      • Hey that’s not bad!! Maybe we need to chart how many “I can’t cope”s we have a day, and every week we’ll compare XD

      • Long may it continue 😀

        I’ve had a few minor incidents so far today…Kasper was obsessed with grass on his walk (I think because it’s rained so it’s all wet…but seriously, why?? Kasper and Zoey suck with grass, I think Kasper picked it up off Zoey…whenever we walk somewhere with long grass (and we are surrounded by fields) we have to keep them on a 4ft lead to prevent them constantly chowing down on grass…I wouldn’t mind but if they eat too much it either makes them sick or means we have to help it come out the other end = ewwww!)

        And now he’s moaning in his crate because he knows I’m in the living room. This is despite the fact he’s had a 45 minute walk and been given a frozen Kong. Sometimes I want to sit and bang my head against a wall XD

      • Oscar does the grass thing, it’s like an all you can eat salad bar !! that and horse poo Yummy at least he’s getting a varied diet, the dead mouse was a bridge too far in my book, but there was no way I was wrestling that off him = gross creature !!!

  2. I wish your GP can help and you get the treatment you need and will be better soon!!!! Because you deserve it! We are waiting for you and your super blog entries! I’m sure they will be continued before long!

    • Thank you so much 🙂 One of the awesome things about dogs (as well as the fact they make you laugh) is that their walks are a wonderful way to soak up the beauty of nature!

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